May Peace Be Upon You

 Had to end it because I'm an idiot. Not just an idiot, but FUCKING STUPID IDIOT for making the mistake for than twice, not just thrice, but more. Oh God in you only I believe. I'm clearer with what I want, and I want to stay true to only you and to my future man. 

I'm not sorry for ending it and you do not have the rights to feel angry about it. You do not have the rights to feel upset and jealous about it. Whatever hurt you may be feeling now is NOTHING compared to how you broke my heart terribly into pieces. But I still loved you, loved you so fucking much that it hurts. Nobody has ever given me such wonderful memories like you did, I admit that. 

But the memories won't last long if you don't even see a future with me. I'm not all about it and I knew. It was very difficult for me to move on, I cling on you. 

But not anymore, you're no longer relevant in my life. I know my worth. It's sad that I didn't know it before this. 

"Let's fuck love and feelings and go on with lust only, I cannot love you" was the most fucking painful thing you've ever said to me. God knows how I felt. You had me begging you to stay, I said "I can take care of you, let's work this out together" but you refused. You kept using your fucking family as a fucking excuse. 

All this while, it was never your family. It's YOU. You couldn't accept me for the way I am, and what did you say to me when I said that you couldn't stand up for me? Oh you said "I can't event stand up for myself how can I stand up for you", you're a real gaslight, a real manipulator, always self-victimising just because you're a fucking coward.

I am done with you. For good. Don't know when I'll ever see you again and that's completely fine with me. Worse come to worst, we may only meet in the afterlife di Padang Masyar. 

Regardless, I will never ever wish you harm, always the best in everything you do and I want you to be happy and content with your life choices and not living in a fucking cage forced by your culture and family.

Asalamualaikum.