I am Alina Hazeman.

I still can't believe that she's betrayed me. I've always been there for her, and she did the same thing for me too. She's supported me through my ups and downs. I did the same for her. we have always been there for each other regardless living in different states in this country. She was the one who stayed up 3 hours straight late night on a weekday, knowing she's got to wake up early morning the next day. She still stayed up to comfort me from my deep broken hearted with my previous lover, Muradi. Through thick and thin. I can't believe she didn't even mention to me that she was going to come to KL, and that she didn't plan to meet me up. I only found out after reaching out to her and that was only a coincidence! I didn't even know anything. No apologies from her, but only assumptions about me was the last text I received from her. Am I that bad of a human being? Was I not good enough as her friend? Did I not do much? We are no longer irrelevant in...

I will be okay, Although I don’t feel okay, I will be appreciated, Although I don’t feel appreciated, I will be accepted, Although I don’t feel accepted, I will smile, Although it hurts inside, I will be calm, Although I’m screaming inside,  I will fix my broken heart, Although nobody will,  I will be okay.

I drove, Thinking my mind is strong, I drove, My phone rang, I'm sorry my father. I drove, My phone rang, I answered, Hung up, And got back on waze. I drove, I sped, At 140km/h, The car ahead of me was so slow. I sped, I crashed the car, I skidded 180 degrees, To the divider I crashed. My poor Wea, I broke you so bad, You took care of me, Only one soul could stay,  But you protected me and you left. The Heaven shook, Angels of the Heaven came down to me, To protect me, I believe my mother too, Came to protect me. Car crashed so terribly, When car stopped, I didn't know what to do, I was scared, Full of fear, I cried, I messed up. What do I tell my father? I'm so sorry, I'm stupid.

 When I've been there for you, Sacrificed my time, energy and tears for you, Gave you my support, cheering for you, During your down times, And now you've risen up like a superstar, You're almost well-equipped. You said that you were grateful,  You cared for me, You loved me. I never expected anything in return, Because for me,  I am doing everything in return for you, For what you've done for me, When you gave me your time and energy, While I was with you.  Because I was so happy that it all came true, That it all happened, I didn't know how else to return my favour to you, So by being there for you, Was the least I could do for you. But why? Why push me away? And why are you so greedy? Greedy as though I didn't do enough for you? We were never in a romantic relationship, Yes we said our "I love you", But the question never raised by you. But why did it affected me so much? I never had feelings, Until you made me. "Don't fall inlove with me...

 When your day didn't start so good, Your presence somehow bothered them, But you don't care, Especially after how they've treated you, And the prize isn't really rewarding anymore, Even after many years especially now, Especially when they know who is Alina, The veteran. You go home, Serve your homemade specialty to your father, "How was it today?", he ask, So you tell him exactly what happened, Even with your homemade specialty he dines, He still pushes you to get to the point, When you want to tell him everything,  He interrups, He guiltrips you about it, He brings back the past, But you just want to be open with him.  So you stop, And realize that there's no point, To share things when you're judged. So you stop. Time goes by, You mind your own business, Be alone. You talk to your best(man)friend, You want to open up to talk to him, You speak facts of what happened, But he interrupts and stops you, He disagreed with your facts,  Even before you cou...

 Hello little dear precious heart. You're in your final 20s now, And there's no need to worry about anything. You can't have expectations from people who tells you they love you. They can tell you they love you, but the truth is, how long will they love you for? Don't be too happy when they say they love you, because the truth is, will they still love you until the end of your time? Will they still love you until your last breath? Will they stay true to you? You cannot expect from them.  You cannot have high hopes on them. Sure you love them, and they love you,  But once they no longer love you and once they stop thinking about you, only you know that you once loved them. You once had a place in your heart for them. But you can't keep having that place in your heart for them if they don't have a place in their hearts for you. You love yourself. Love yourself more than anyone. Because only you know yourself better than anybody else. Your little precious aching he...